That stands for Kitten Intensive Care Unit. Which I’ve been running today from 12 PM – present. Without much else getting done.

A mommy cat moved her kittens underneath our bedroom floor beneath the house late Tuesday night. I checked on them yesterday and they were chipper. Today they were almost dead. I was able to save three of the four by feeding them with a dropper…until two of those died. Only one is left. We’ll see if he makes it to morning…

Over and out from Nurse Helga.

The boys have been playing outside a lot since it has warmed up. One of their favorite games, beside the sandbox, is to “make a tent” with the playground thing and their blankets.

They spend a lot of time doing this. They like to invite me in to sit down on the blanketed “floor” so they can serve me a variety of pretend food, typically macaroni and cheese, cake, cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies, and candy.

This other guy runs around happily too. Today he was playing in a house of his own.

___________

Conversations I have around here all. the. time.

From Gabe:

Gabe: Mommy.

Me: What?

Gabe: Mommy!

Me: What?!

Gabe: Mommy!!

Me: WHAT, Gabe??

Gabe: (starting to flail around and cry) Mommy, why aren’t you answering me??

Me: Gabe!!! WHAT?!?! I said “what” like three times!! Auughghh!!!

I think he is so focused on thinking about what he wants to ask me that he actually doesn’t hear me answer.

~~~~~~~~~~

From Israel:

Israel: Mommy!

Me: What?

Israel: Mommy!

Me: What?!

Israel: Mommy.

Me: WHAT??

Israel: (big grin and hunch of shoulders) Ummmm….Mommy.

Me: What.

Israel: Mommy, why did the piggy cross the road?

or

Israel: Ummmmmmmm….(grinning and looking around the room hurriedly for an idea of something to say) Mommy, what is that? (pointing at random object)

or

Israel: (bemused look) Mommy? What is your name?

Me: Carrie.

Israel: No, what is your name?

Me: Mommy. Carrie. Mommy. I don’t know!! What is my name?

Israel: (getting upset) Mommy!!! What is your name??!!!

Me: Auuuugggghhhhh!!! Run away!!!!!

______________________

Tonight as I was washing dishes at the sink, I heard from behind me something to the extent of this (I don’t remember the exact words): “Diaperman. Nothing to worry about when he’s around.” And I turned around to see this:

Diaperman. In. The. Flesh.

Glad to know we’ve got it covered around here. No worries.

Lol.

Tonight Gabriel got “stuck” in the sliding door. He was VERY insistent that I help him out.

Take careful note of the blue gloves and the fireman boots. These are special components of pretending outfits around here these days.

Today was a bad day for Israel. Lots of screamingness WAAAAAY too close to my eardrums. Sometimes I totally lose my patience with him. Other times I simply turn a deaf ear. And then there are the other times I am patient and kind and gentle.

I had a FULL day today. Left at 9:45 AM for church and didn’t get back until about 5:30 PM. Went to a birthday party after church and then a shower right after that. But it was good times. I really appreciate the sense of community and family I have here in Delaware.

Tonight I sat on Israel’s bed per request, while Tim read the boys their Bible story, as Israel and Zion crawled all over my lap. After saying bedtime prayers, Israel asked me to lay down with him in his bed.

I get so antsy after we put the boys to bed. I am ready for FREEDOM and ME time. I don’t want to lay down in a darkened room. I want to GO AWAY. I said no, maybe another time.

Gabe then fussed at me. “You lay down in Israel’s bed and not mine! Why can’t you lay with me??”

“Gabe. I did not lay down with Israel. I just sat in his bed with him during Bible story.”

I’m sitting at the computer uploading pictures, when a plantative cry trails from the boy’s room. “Moooom.”

Heaving a sigh, I trudge back the hall. Israel is sleeping. Gabe is flailing around crankily in his bed. “Mom, I feel jealous because you lay down with Israel and you didn’t lay down with me. Can you lay down with me a little??”

My computer calls. “Nope.” I say. “Not tonight.”

As I resume my seat in front of the computer, a mental image of a paper that lays on the table in my bedroom floats before my eyes. It says: “Be friends with my children. Treasure their childhoods.” These are things I want to prioritize in my life. Sometimes you just want a break for the night, is the only problem with this picture. Enh. Another time I will treasure this aspect of a five year old.

Another call wafts down the hall. Arrrrrrrgggghhh. I crankily return to Gabriel’s bedside, standing on Israel’s bunk to peer more closely at him. “Mom..,” he looks at me very seriously. “I was thinking – if I said that I would get you a flower tomorrow, would that make you want to lay down with me?” His eyes skate over mine, trying not to look at mine too long, so that I might not see how much he wants me to lay down beside him.

My heart pings. I stand there, balanced on the side of the bunk, looking at him, this five year old who wants to cuddle with his mama. Gabriel loves to bring me flowers. All flowers he can find. He is SO proud to find them and bring them to me, and then he says, “Mommy? I have something to tell you. It is a secret.” He whispers in my ear. “I love you.” He stands back beaming with pride. Or he comes up to give me a hug and tells me, “Mommy? I love you!” I have little collections of dandelions on the counter at the end of the day, wilting, or dogwood blossoms that he is thrilled to climb his tree to get for me. One day, life is just going to be different. And that will be good too. But this night is what it is, and it is precious.

I say to him very somberly. “I will lay down with you. Even if you don’t get me a flower.” And climb up the ladder and lay with him pillowed on his dinosaur blanket as he excitedly arranges his “cozy blanket” to cover us both. He tucks into my hug with great satisfaction and commences to tell me how he is going to find me a flower anyway, and about the cat he thinks he saw out the window and the tree he likes to climb and about the party we went to today where he played games and ate cake. And about how he wants a cake with messy icing, even messier than the cake he ate today, for his birthday. I tell him I am sure that can be arranged.

Soon enough I kiss him goodnight and climb down. These little moments are what build our friendship and his trust in me and his view of me as confidante. For whatever it is worth, tonight my paper reminder served its purpose. Lord, let me not waste those little moments, because it is those pieced-together patchwork of moments that make up the relationship we will share down the road.

I love you, Gabriel Timothy. Thank you for how you love me too.

Zion loves to “help” me hang out clothes.

I have also spotted Superman beneath my clothesline from time to time of late…

And one more look at these guys…

What a pile of crazy dudes I have cavorting under my clothesline…

Mom and Dad came in this past weekend to check on the grandbabies, and we had a low-key, relaxing weekend that involved kite-flying, thrift-shopping, Mom washing some laundry for me, and Dad fixing our showerhead. Good stuff, family…

Israel sure did conk out on Sunday afternoon, though, what with all that grandparenting.

We are in the midst of a virus/allergy session with the boys. I think the massive influx of pollen in the air has followed hot on the heels of the virus they had. We’ve been having some subdued days around here as we catch up from a good weekend and get over fevers.

Right now Gabe and Israel seem basically back to normal. They are playing on the couch with two lengths of dotted ribbon they got out of my craft drawer, and are using it to play “motorcycle”. This involves wrapping your ribbon around your wrist, if you are Gabe, and revving your engine noisily, and then throwing yourself off the couch onto the floor. For Israel, it means draping your ribbon around your neck like a scarf, or tucking it into the front of your pants. Logically. ?? And then throwing yourself off the couch onto the floor. There’s a lot of thumping as I type.

Zion is sleeping in his crib. He is such a sweet little busy boo.

He has really started saying words in the past week. His main word right now is “Gwa.” Which I don’t know what it is, but he uses it for a lot of things. He can say “ba!” and wave goodbye. He says “ba” for ball. He says “gwa-goo” for cracker. He says “momee” for mommy. “Da!” for Daddy. “Co!” for Chloe. (He LOVES Chloe. Loves chasing her with his car, running after her trying to catch her, or grabbing her and burying his face in her very unwilling back. ) “Wa!” for water. “Ba-w” for our neighbor Barry. “Nan” for banana. He is working on cutting his molars – they will soon be through the skin. He has three teeth on the bottom and four on the top. He seems to be the first of our boys not to get croup. He is very cuddly, and loves his brothers and loves running around naked and throwing food on the floor and loves being outside.

He loves riding his little cars around inside and outside. The other day he drove his car the entire way around the block, churning over the grass when we came to it.

A week or so ago, Tim couldn’t find his phone. He knew he had seen Zion with it, so he went outside to find Zion and said, “Where is Daddy’s phone?” Zion hopped up from what he was playing with, toddled hurriedly inside saying “Da! Da!”, and went straight to the mini-trampoline in the office where he picked up Tim’s phone and handed it to him. I was really surprised that he could understand and remember like that. He seems to have a lot of understanding of what we say to him.

Spring has been GORGEOUS around here.

I have been greedily drinking in the warmth and the sun, finding excuses to go outside when it is warm. This is the first year that I FINALLY have a real garden, and I am all atwitter with excitement about it.

Our friends Carl and Sue came over several weeks ago so Carl could till the ground for us.

I’ve partially planted it so far, and am waiting until it gets a little later in the month to finish the planting. My plans are for tomatoes, green beans, potatoes, onions, cucumbers, and peppers. Then I’m basically out of room.

Also planted me a baby.

Those boys SUUUUURE did like helping with the garden. Their eyes were wide and they begged to help. Baby just mostly sat in the way.

Gabe recently brought me a dandelion (the boys bring me all they can find, plus random handfuls of grassy weeds with little flowers on it, or just plain grass if you are Baby) and excitedly told me that soon there will be LOTS of flowers in our yard and he can bring me LOTS of flowers as a present!!

We had a very good Easter. We had an Easter egg hunt on Saturday, which the boys really loved.

Gabe was so sweet during the egg hunt. He would find an egg and say, “Israel!! Come over here!! Here is an egg for you!”, and he would get eggs and put them in Zion’s basket.

Zion’s tongue was out in concentration during the entire egg hunt. Lots to concentrate on.

This was my Mommy present from Gabe during his hunt.

The boys also really loved the chocolate and colored marshmallow bunnies I put in the eggs.

The boys were THRILLED to receive their Easter baskets on Sunday morning.

I had to put everyone in a Mommy strangle-hold in order to wrestle some pictures out of them, as they all seemed to be very non-compliant subjects. Sigh. Here’s our clan in all it’s spring greenery.

Excuse the deluge of pictures. I had a camera in my hand and couldn’t help myself.

My lovin’ boys.

Here were two of my backseat buddies on the way to Tom and Wanda W.’s house, who so kindly invited us over for lunch.

Also so nice, two families in our church remembered our niece, Olive Hope, with some flowers. This is for you, Rusty and Lynette. We think of Olive every single day.

I got out today sans ankle-biters to do some Easter basket shopping. I can’t believe that Easter is already next weekend. Gabriel excitedly informed me that his two favorite days are Christmas and Easter. I am not sure those picks are for the theological richness of their significance, but more because one holds presents and the other holds Easter baskets. Stemming from a theologically rich tradition. So I has a REPUTATION to uphold!!!

On my way to Walmart I was drawn with a giant invisible magnet to Lowes. It was a mysterious thing. I am currently somewhat obsessed with repainting our office, the color of which I am deeply unsatisfied with. I am looking for the perfect shade of reddish brown. I want a cozy, enveloping color – we want to put a wood stove in that room with our “windfall” of tax return money after being SLAMMED with super-high electric bills this winter.

Lowes is like a booster shot of creative industrious to my little receptive consumer heart. Walking into it’s well-lit spaciousness, I am suddenly imbibed with home-improvement motivation. Just think of the decks I could build. The lawns I could seed. The offices I could paint. The – ooooh!! Look at that patio furniture. Patio furniture has drawn me like a fluttering moth to the flame after buying our house with it’s screened in porch. I don’t have room for much more out there, but there is just the right sized space for a comfortable wicker seating area. Lowe’s had this cozy looking display with plush red cushions.

I am a sucker for red cushions. If only they weren’t $1,000,000.87. Ah well. A girl can but dream. Of such things as red cushions and yellow flowered Martha Stewart sheets.

This is a stage of life where I am not remotely mega-rich. Aside from in the things that matter most to me. Which I will take by all means over $1,000,000.87. Perhaps this is a great time for me to learn, at least in the dimension that is before me, the secret of contentment in all things.

Tonight we watched G-Force with the whipper-snappers while eating popcorn. Gabe was riveted. Israel bounced in and out of the room, constantly asking me questions. Zion busily wedged his way into my lap so that he could see the computer JUST IN CASE I was about to show him some Teletubbies on You-Tube.

After the movie was over, Gabe informed me that he didn’t blink one time so that he wouldn’t miss anything. I’m not sure that was quite accurate.

Baby is being squerky again tonight and bellowing away in his crib. Without EXCEPTION if he is teething or has a cold, he will NOT go to bed at a normal time. It is quite simply maddening. Although he is awfully cute. I will probably go get him back up.

Happy Palm Sunday tomorrow, everyone!! Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!!

Today I feel like a Mama Duck with frazzled eyebrows with three little ducklings hot on my tail, quacking furiously, except for instead of quacking they are fussing, whining, and asking endless questions. Somehow it is ME they need, and even though I try to sit down and make time for them it doesn’t ever seem to be enough. Moooooooooooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mooooooooooooooommmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s grey today. Not sunny. It’s a grey day that calls for lots of sitting down in quiet sleepy houses and doing lots of online “research” (of the Facebook and blog reading and email-checking sort) and book reading and maybe even some Oprah watching come Oprah time. Not Mama duck waddling. Not loud whiny quacking. Not nap-refusing bleary-eyed bellowing youngest children.

But if I don’t do my work now, it will just wait for me and multiply. So then. That’s why I’m blogging. That’s sort of like work. I’m also greedily “researching” these bedsheets

	Look inside >
March 2010

that I saw in a recent Better Homes and Gardens (love love love that magazine) that seem to offer sweet whispering promises of a better life if I would but own the yellow set. I’m pretty sure that might be true. Think of the warm spring breezes that would be blowing through my bedroom if they were on. Think of the crisply clean clothes that would be neatly folded on the table, and the invigorating smell of lemon dusting spray that would be in the air. If only those sheets were on my bed.

The quackers have been in the toy-cluttered room off of the kitchen listening to my old Music Machine and Bullfrogs and Butterflies tapes from when I was but a young quacker myself. This activity always brings me a surge of satisfaction.

Perhaps I’ll go fold laundry now. That thought brings me no surge of satisfaction. Only dreariness. Ah well. Maybe when I get my sheets my laundry will fold itself. I’m pretty sure it will. Excellent.

Today the sun is shining. Thank you Jesus for making sunshine. I have a load of towels in the washing machine that are ready to be hung out, but I am so tired, and my head hurts. My busy days always catch up with me and then I crash. So I’m waiting a bit on those towels. The boys ran around outside, Zion VERY happily, and then ate some eggs while sitting at their little picnic table. I finally got around to making myself a cup of tea with lots of cream and sugar, and which is taking me a long time to finish. I keep reheating it because I keep getting distracted.

We are making two batches of chocolate chip cookies today. One for us and for our neighbor, Barry, about whom Gabe said with great seriousness the other day, “We REALLY need to give Bawwee some chocolate chip cookes, because he gives us LOTS of toys and things!!!” I agree with him. Barry is SUPER generous to us. So Barry is getting in on all the cookie goodness. The rest of the batch is for us, and then we are making another batch to take along to supper tonight with our friends Bob and Diane. Bob is the associate pastor who works with Tim. He and Diane are just SO great to work with – we love them so much. They are worth their weight in both gold AND chocolate chip cookies.

Here are my cookie helpers:

Other than enjoying licking off the mixer thingamajiggie, Israel has been having a hard day, and is currently bellowing his poor little heart out on the futon in the room off the kitchen, with the door closed. Israel has an ESPECIALLY low tolerance for life outside of routine. We have had LOTS of Israel-meltdowns today after being out last night at someone else’s house and bedtime getting delayed an hour. Sigh. He CANNOT handle tiredness, being overly warm, or over-stimulation, and goes straight to a screaming, blubbering mess on the floor without passing go or collecting $200. Dealing with this aspect of this stage of his life has been a stretching and learning aspect of parenting for me. Today I am feeling a bit short on patience, if truth be known.

Gabe is having a happy day, though. He was happily playing in his blanket house in the corner of the living room. That is after following me around all morning telling me an endless story about something or another, and humming me numerous musical scores from his BELOVED video games. He very rarely has meltdowns, which right now I am just very appreciative of. He is a good boy, who very much loves to go to other people’s houses and keeps asking me when it is going to be nighttime, because nighttime means we go to Ryan and Andrew’s (two of Bob and Diane’s youngest sons) house. He is a constant stream of noise. Talking, humming, airplane flying noises, car driving, giggling, etc. I told him today that I am sure going to miss him when he goes to school. The house is going to feel a lot quieter.

Baby Boo is sleeping. He is finally back on his normal schedule, I think. Three weeks after the time change. We kept him up from his nap the other day to rearrange his sleeping schedule. He is sleeping very well during the night these days, but for some reason his brothers have been waking up NUMEROUS times. I was probably out of bed six times last night, only one of those with Zion. Shake of head.

Today Israel asked for peanut butter on his cream cheese bread in the morning. When I got out the peanut butter jar, he asked with great happiness, “Is that MY peanut butter?? Did I get it for my BIRF-day??” He asks that about lots of things. “Is that MY eggs? Is that MY butter? I got it for my BIRF-day!!!” Which he didn’t actually, but which he savors the thought of.

Little Moo is a tousle-headed sugar pie of the most sweetest scrumptiousness.

I was watching him playing joyfully in the sunshine this morning and remembering back to last spring, and the little baby he was then.

He has been such a joy and delight. All of my boys are, don’t hear me wrong. I so love each of them individually and very much. It’s just that there are some things about his age that are just easy and rewarding and that we are all really enjoying.

That’s all for today. Just a day in the life of. The dog is snoozing on my clean laundry. Israel’s meltdown is over and he is playing happily in the living room with Gabe. I am soaking up the sunshine like it’s an endorphine patch on my arm. Maybe I’ll go hang out those clothes now.

Over and out.

I am sitting in bed
day over
bath done
cozy under my blankets getting ready to watch something online
when from the window behind me
i hear the haunting whistle of a train
and the thudding of the tracks as it crosses

and suddenly

I am 94
sitting in my wheelchair in a splash of sunlight
hands folded in my lap
because they’ve nothing to do
sparse white hair combed neatly
in my blue housedress
when from the window behind me
i hear the whistle of a train
and the thudding of the tracks

and I remember

when my house was sprinkled with toys
when my boys slept quietly while the house still whispered echoes
of their calling, laughing, giggling, crying, bellowing, shrieking, “mommy!!”‘s
when i am glad to sit down
and be alone
and by myself
or with their daddy
when the day’s are full
and boys grow quickly
and skin is soft
and chatter is constant
and boys love their mommy
and need her
and bring her dandelions
and the clothes flap on the line
and life is colorful

I wonder

Do I remember hugging their sweet little boy bodies enough?
Spending enough time laughing and just being with them?
Did I not miss the sweetness of the days in all the tedious work of them?
I hope the memory is sweet
And brings a smile
and not tears.