(as per Gabe’s report)

*Never chew gum in school.

*Never spit on the ground

*Never pee in the grass.

*Don’t touch each other in line.

*Don’t be mean.

This was the first Mother’s Day since we moved to Delaware that I have been able to go to church.  :)  Every other time, I have had a sick child and have stayed home.  It was especially nice to go this week.  Layla’s first church service.  She did very well.  

My experience of mothering lately has been a bit colored by the post natal crankiness that I have experienced following each pregnancy.  I have caught myself being much more snappy than I would like and VERY short on patience. After praying for grace in regards to this issue the other day, I read this in Luke:

An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest.  Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him.  Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.  For whoever is least among you all is the greatest.”  (Luke 9:46-7)

Verse 47 just popped off the page at me; it was a gentle reminder to me how God sees my children, and how I am to treasure them and treat them with the respect and love I would show Jesus himself.  

I also read some helpful bits off of this site:  http://www.steadymom.com/2011/05/what-matters-most.html:

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If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from “If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again”

Imagine your children are headed off to college and you’re looking back on these early years. What would you have done differently today, this month, this year?

What would you do less and what would you do more?

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” – Goethe

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I think I’m going to write that last quote on the mirror in our dining room to remind myself.  Such a good reminder to me that the urgent must not trump the important.  Because life with small children is filled with urgent tasks that must be completed all day long.  But the importance of treasuring the person inside the child and calling out the good in them, and training them with gentle firmness instead of the impatience that comes so quickly, and reading to them and taking time to listen in a way that communicates their value to me, and not seeing them as interruptions.  These probably all sound idealistic, but are still real goals I have for my parenting.  And some of them definitely take effort.   

Anyways, after those verses and that blog, I felt my perspective readjust itself, and I’ve experienced the grace I prayed for, and have been able to enjoy my boys in a new way over the past few days.  A tank fill up.  Till the next time, when I’m back praying for more grace.  

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Happy (belatedly, at this point) Mother’s Day to two women I love and respect very much – Mom and my mother-in-law, Carol.  You are both so special to Tim and I and the boys, and we love to have you around!!  Thanks so very much for going through the pain of labor and delivery 33 years ago and the dramas that come with raising children to adulthood.   We love you!!!

Sleepy baby.

Warm air.

Pink laundry.  :)

Baby boys.

And Baby Bear.

A good day.

I stayed in the hospital for a total of parts of three days.  It was actually sort of restful.  :)  For me, not quite as much for my blessed mother, who was out to watch the other chillun’s.  

Mom brought Gabe before school the morning after Layla was born.  I couldn’t wait to see his reaction, because he just was SO excited about his new baby sister.  He hustled into the room with an excited look of anticipation that made me smile.

  

Later on in the day, the remaining brothers scurried in.  :)  Israel was very excited to see Layla and very excited to hold her.

 Zion was a little unsure, and mostly ambivalent, although he also wanted his turn to hold her briefly.

The pediatrician checking Layla out.  

 

I really love this pediatrician group.  We discovered them when Zion and Gabe were in the hospital earlier this year.  It is a group of three female doctors and one female nurse practictioner, all in their 30′s, and they are really nice and they really listen to you instead of just talking at you.  

They had told me when Layla was born that she had a heart murmur, called a ductal murmur, which is very common in the first two weeks after birth.  Probably should resolve on it’s own.  The pediatrician also confirmed this.

Also, Layla has two “stork marks”, one on the back of her neck, and one on her forehead maybe??  I forget where the second one is.  I don’t think it’s as obvious.  She also had a little breastfeeding jaundice, which resolved within about a week.  

All of the boys came back in in the afternoon.  Whew!!  It was quite the wind that blew into the room!! Chitter and chatter and squirmies and “Dad, can I play games on your phone??”

(Zion remembered doing that in the hospital a few months ago) and “Mom, can I put the bed all the way up??”  

When they all blew back out with their Grandma on the same energetic boy wind that carried them in, Tim and I looked at each other a little wide-eyedly.  We were somewhat glad to be remaining, and just to let their Grandma handle all of that.  Lol.  :)  When all of them were sitting on the bed, looking at Layla,

my eyes had also gotten a bit large.  I have four children now.  Somehow four seems like a lot more than three.  :)  Wow.

Layla gets her hearing test.

 

Bob and Diane, our associate pastor and his wife, checking out Layla.

Heading home on the 27th.  

Our neighbor, Barry (who incidentally kept telling us we should greatly consider the name “Berry” ) had made Welcome Home signs for the boys to color and paste up, and bought a pink balloon for the mailbox.  

Such a FUN thing to come home to.  Sweet Barry.  :)  

Yummy Easter treats Grandma made with the boys.

 

Layla getting her first bath at home, per Grandma.  

Each of my children has had their first sponge bath at home given by their Grandma Edith.  :)

And plenty of Grandma rocks.

The lovely Layla herself.  :)

This labor sure did leave me exhausted.  I was SOOOOOO grateful for Mom’s help.  She left Sunday, about a week after Layla was born, after I was finally back on my feet.  Thank you SO MUCH, Mom!!!  We love you!!!

Layla Grace Miller was born April 25, 2011 at 8:51 PM at 40 weeks 1 day gestation, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz, and was 19 1/2 inches long.  

I started having regular contractions that would stop during the night about three days before Layla was born.  The first day they were about 7-9 minutes apart and mild.  The second day they were about 15 minutes apart and strong, but still painless.  The third day, Sunday, her due date, starting in the afternoon, they were about 15-20 minutes apart and strong and painful.  

The confusing part for me was that I needed to get to the hospital within four hours of her birth, to get an antibiotic for the baby, since I had tested Beta Strep positive.  With Zion, I had delivered him about twelve minutes after arriving in the hospital.  But my labor had been different with him.  I felt confused having strong contractions that were so far apart from each other.   However, because of the nature of the contractions, I could tell that it was simply a matter of time…the question was, however, how much time.  That night?  A day?  Two days?  More?  We decided to go ahead and call Mom to come out; she got here a little before midnight on Sunday night.  

I woke up at around 3:30 AM with a really strong contraction, and knew it was probably time to go to the hospital.  My contractions were coming every 7-9 minutes; they had told me to come in when they were around ten minutes.  We got to the hospital around 4 AM…to discover I was only TWO CENTIMETERS DILATED.  I. could. not. believe. it.  I had been 2 centimeters in the office the week before.  I was very bummed and very discouraged and even more confused about when to come in.  However, an hour later I was 3-4 centimeters, and they admitted me.  YAY for progress!!!

But things kept going soooo slowly.  I am sure it was because of the fact that she was posterior.  I would have contractions about every 7-15 minutes, and some of them really hurt and them some of them were just mild.  Mid-morning I was 4-5 centimeters dilated.   Early afternoon I was 5-6 centimeters dilated.   Finally, at about 3:30 PM, I was starting to just feel mental and physical tiredness over the slowness of the labor, especially not knowing how much longer it was going to take.  After talking to Tim, we decided to ask the nurse-midwife to go ahead and break my water.  She had offered earlier, but knowing much MUCH MORE INTENSELY PAINFUL contractions are after your water has broken, I had declined, as she had said that it would “speed up” labor, but not necessarily make things happen super fast.  Ennnhhh – not good enough for me.  As the afternoon wore on, I had also experienced a growing anxiety about the pain after my water broke – I was already hurting enough, thank you, and things were going SO SLOWLY as it was.  

I decided this:  I had been through natural childbirth already, and was glad I had the experience.  This time, if I decided I wanted pain medicine or even an epidural, that was ok too.  Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.  I wasn’t planning to go the natural route for anyone else but myself and the baby, and if “myself” needed some pain relief, then I would get it.  The hardest part was feeling like the nurses and midwives were rooting for me to go natural, and I felt like I would be disappointing them a little bit if I asked for pain relief, but I reminded myself that I was the one having to go through the experience, not them, and it was just fine to ask for what I needed.  

The nurse-midwife came in and broke my water.  I was 7 cm dilated.  And yup, the contractions they were doozies.  But I found them bearable.  Umm.  For a while.  My contractions continued to get closer together – every 5 minutes, then eventually about every 2 minutes.  SEVERAL HOURS LATER (lol) around 6 PM, I called the nurse in, and as soon as she came in and asked what she could do for me, I said, “I need some encouragement!” and promptly burst into tears.  I was just about to the end of what I felt like I could take.  I hoped that I was feeling that way because I was in transition, but when she checked me again, I was still 7 CENTIMETERS DILATED.  Arrrrggghhhhhh.  That was it.  I asked for pain medicine.  

It didn’t make a dent.  I asked for an epidural.  Thankfully, the anesthesiologist had not gone home yet, and was there very quickly to stab my spine with a long needle.  Lol.  I remember watching epidurals in nursing school, and being like – ain’t no way I’m getting that done ever.  But, there comes a point in labor when sometimes you’re like – I don’t particularly care if I am paralyzed in a freak epidural accident, I just want the PAIN TO STOP!!!!!!!!!  And instead of slowing my labor, contractions actually picked right up, coming faster and harder and I couldn’t feel a blessed thing.    Actually, I could feel the contractions sometimes, but more of the strength aspect instead of the pain aspect.  I was glad that I could feel something instead of nothing, because it helps a lot when it comes to pushing.  

When I was about 9 cm dilated, the nurse-midwife started me on Pitocin to help in the pushing process…and at around 8:15 PM or so, it was time to push.  And then…her heart rate dropped.  They stopped me from pushing, turned me on my left side, stopped Pitocin and reanalyzed.  ”Looks like we have some cord compression,” the nurse-midwife said.  Tim and I exchanged a look.  That morning we had gotten a text from our friend Diane, which said basically, “If you need a C-section, don’t be afraid of getting one.”  I immediately had Tim call her back.  I wanted to know the full story behind that comment, since if Diane gets an impression about something, you are wise to sit up and take notice.  She told Tim that she had been praying that the baby would turn from posterior to anterior and she had a check in her spirit and she saw a picture of the umbilical cord.  She said that she didn’t know if that meant that the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck or what it meant.  And she hadn’t wanted to scare me – she just wanted me to be open to a c-section if I needed it.  So when the nurse-midwife started talking about the cord, I was emotionally prepared for whatever needed to happen to get this baby out safely.  

The baby’s heart rate was not doing so hot on my left side.  They switched me up again, putting me on my hands and knees.  I could hear the drop in her heart rate.  It was all I was listening to.  At one point it seemed really low.  There was controlled anxiety in the room.  They were having me push, trying to get the baby out ASAP.  A nurse ran into the hall from my room and yelled down the hallway – “Page Dr. Gupta STAT and get an OR team up here STAT!!”  Tim could not hardly take the tension – he had to walk away a little bit from the bed just to get away.  We were both extremely concerned.  Then her heart rate came back up, and there was a huge sigh of relief in the room.  ”Recovery in the 120′s!” the nurse-midwife called out.  It would still drop whenever I pushed, but when I went back on my elbows into kind of a knee-chest position it would come back up.  

Dr. Gupta ran into the room.  It had been seven minutes since they had called her at home, saying “We need you in here NOW.”  She quickly assessed the situation, and immediately started gowning up.  They helped me turn back over onto my back, and seemed to be preparing for something.  ”Are we doing a c-section?” I asked.  ”I’m going to use the vacuum to pull the baby out,” she told me.  ”It’s faster than a c-section.”  She applied the vacuum to the baby’s head, and they had me push with a contraction, and then push even when there wasn’t a contraction.  Someone had apparently turned off the sound of the baby’s heart rate, and I hadn’t known it, just thought that the baby’s heart rate had stopped.  I was pushing with all I had – and then there she was.  She was blueish and not crying and limp and I couldn’t hardly look at her.  If something was wrong I couldn’t hardly stand to see her to see it happen.  ”Ah ha,” Dr. Gupta said.  ”She has a short cord.”  I glanced at her as they held her above my stomach and then looked away.  Tim cut the umbilical cord, which he later told me was the shortest one he had seen in all of our kids, and then they started rubbing her down.  She stirred a little bit, and then they put her over on the warmer where they were suctioning her – and then I heard a cry.  HUUUGGGE sigh of relief.  Tim and I both cried.  One nurse saw us crying in our separate places, and steered Tim over beside me.  

Her Apgar scores were 8 and then 9 successively, so she must have actually been ok when she came out, just blue. She was breathing a little quickly initially from the quick birthing, but her breathing soon slowed down and she was ok.  They did suction her a lot for a little bit.  Poor baby was over there just screaming her heart out angrily.  This made the nursery nurse happy, for her to be yelling like that.  Made her mama want to hold her VERY MUCH, though.   She would quiet down when I would talk to her, over on my bed, and then start up again.    

Finally they were done with her and I got to hold her.  She immediately breastfed very well, and she was precious and dear and here.  FINALLY.  

Incidentally, she did turn from a posterior positioning to an anterior one during the delivery.  No back labor for me!!! Whooo hooo!!

Layla Grace, I am so glad you are here.  I love you soooooooooooo much and so does the rest of your family!!!!!  We can’t wait to learn to know you better!!!

Guess what.  Easter dawned…and still no baby.  The beginning of the 40th week of pregnancy.  Wow.  I had thought FOR SURE that the baby would DEFINITELY have been here by now.  I hemmed and hawed and finally decided to go to church…there was an Easter BREAKFAST after all.  Terribly exciting for people like me.  :)  Yummy egg casseroles and whatnot, with cinnamon rolls and things…a little carrot to for me to follow.  

A few nights before this, tossing and turning and just SO miserable and tired of being pregnant, I had just BEGGED God to let me go into labor that night.  But the days were still ticking past, and no baby.  On Easter morning, I did, however wake up with a giant contraction, that led me to believe that SURELY I MUST be going into labor that day.  But there was no contraction to follow that one…so off to church I went.  And quite enjoyed myself, I must say.  

The boys got some Russell Stover chocolate bunnies from a friend at church.  

I told them to sit on the steps and show me their bunnies so I could take a picture.  Zion thought that I said “show me your tummy.”  :)  

Here I am in all my pregnantedness.  

Another belly picture at 40 weeks pregnant.

We had a relaxing, atypical Easter lunch consisting of hot dogs on the grill for the boys and Tim and leftovers for me.  :)  We had actually had an invitation to go have a proper Easter lunch, but I just didn’t feel up to it.  The boys ate at their picnic table outside and splashed in the pool – it was warm and beautiful outside.  

I started having regular contractions again in the afternoon, and after some conversation, Mom decided to drive out that evening.  I (semi)joked with her, “We’ll have a nice contraction-less day tomorrow and get the office painted.”  :)

Well, it’s Baby Love’s 39th week in utero, and she apparently has no plans to enter this bright exciting world anytime soon, so….here’s the plan, Stan.  I go back on Monday, when I will be 40 weeks and 1 day for a biophysical profile, where they will do an ultrasound to check her growth, the levels of amniotic fluid, and placenta.  Then, if she still hasn’t come by Thursday, I will have another doctor’s appointment.  Then, if she still hasn’t arrived, I will be induced at 41 weeks, 1 day, on May 2.  Which is approximately 4 months away.  In end-stage pregnancy time.  Anywho.  I actually could be induced this coming Monday, but I think I will probably hold out, since induction ups my risk of c-section with her positioning.  It’s more ideal for me to go into labor naturally without my water being broken to assist her turning during labor.  

Here’s the simple prayer I am praying these past few days.  Please let the baby come very soon.  Please let my labor be quick and go naturally without any problems.  Please let her turn to the right position for an easier labor.  

The midwife also did a nonstress test on me just to check out the baby, since yesterday it seemed that she wasn’t moving as much.  A nonstress test checks to make sure her heartrate is accelerating with her movements.  She got an “A+” which was very reassuring for her mommy.  

My weight is about the same, baby’s HR was about 135, my BP was 92/46, and I was 1-2 cm dilated and 50% effaced.    Right on target for 8 more weeks of pregnancy like I mentioned last time.    I’ve noticed lately that my legs/ankles/hands are just a little swollen from time to time.  I don’t remember this with my other ones.  

I have been somewhat able to refocus on the not so distant future, and have moved somewhat from the expectation of “maybe today!!” to “probably not today…”  This is somewhat helpful for my psyche.  :)  I have been thinking up projects I could start that I would be thrilled to have accomplished by the time she gets here…only problem is that projects require energy, and I don’t always seem to have a ton.  :)  

Tuesday I happily carted the boys to Salisbury to get individual pictures of Zion and of Israel…it has been FOREVER since they’ve had a studio picture and I had really wanted to get that accomplished before the baby was born.  And so I got that checked off my list.  That was quite the task, let me tell you what.  Manhandling a kicking, screaming, uncooperative, squirrelly two year old while 39 weeks pregnant in the middle of the mall in your fourth or fifth hour there is quite the exhausting accomplishment.    Phew.  We shopped at JC Penney’s, went to The Picture People, went to the playground area in the mall, went to Sears, went to Auntie Anne’s Pretzels, and then left the mall and stopped at the Indian food grocery store before coming home.  It was fun, although very tiring!!!!

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Israel’s quote of the day (after playing Lego Star Wars on Wii and moving from that to imaginary light-saber fighting with his brothers) – “Dark (Darth) Vader!!  Come and defeach (defeat) me!!”  

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Zion was standing beside me looking at some Facebook icons the other day.  ”Those my babies?” he asked.  ”Those my baby bears.”  Very cute to his mommy, who calls him Baby Bear, that he now thinks that is another name for babies.  :)  

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A little morsel of sweetness tucked beside his mommy’s pillow the other morning…

My kids loooove to play a Wii game called Legend Of Zelda.  They love pretending they are Link, the main character, and love playing with a sword and shield like Link has.  Today Tim and the two older boys came home from an event our church did, which included an Easter egg hunt and face painting.  I asked Israel what was on his forehead, because I couldn’t figure it out.  ”Link’s hat,” he told me.  And of course one cheek had a sword and another one had a shield.  It made me laugh.  Couldn’t get any better than that in their book.  

13 Weeks————————————————————–>     38 Weeks 5 days

BP – boring, yawn

HR- guess just fine

Weight gain – Beady eyed look (ok, fine; 31 lbs, really not so bad)

1 cm dilated, not very effaced.  At this rate, I should have this baby in, oh, say…nine weeks or so.  

The doctor said that the baby would be “decent sized”.  This seems slightly larger than her former guess of “not a huge baby”.  She’s guessing 7 1/2 lbs.  I’m guessing more.  If I’m right, I get her cool BMW SUV.  Well, ok, not really, but I think she should at least think about it.

I definitely reached the “comically pregnant” stage…I look purty stinkin’ pregnant right now…lol.  I think I’m laughing.  I may just be wincing.  

El Sweet Baby-o is still facing the wrong direction – face toward my stomach.  If she stays this way, this could mean a longer and more difficult labor.  SIIIIIGGGNNN me UP, sistah!!!!  Errr.  Except not.  I started going to a chiropractor this week, hopefully to help in the baby turning process.  

I’m pretty sure I’m going to be pregnant forever.  In case you wondered.  Tiiiimmmmmeeeee issssss moooooooovvvvinnnnggg sooooooooooo slllloooooowwwwllllllyyyyyy………..

Oh yes.  Another observation.  Apparently in the span of the above pictures my hair has gotten longer (and looks so attractive), my taste in clothing has gotten stellar, I have gotten a rug for my hallway, annnddd I look about four years older.  EXCELLENT.