October 27, 2011
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Reality
Yesterday I felt INTENSELY crabby. Trapped and caged and a bit wild-eyed. I decided to take the kids for a walk in the nearby woods, which are only a few minutes drive away. But first, I had to find pants for Zion, a shirt for Israel, Layla’s pacifier, diapers all around, wipes, Layla’s sweatshirt, Israel’s sweatshirt, Zion’s sweater, my sweatshirt, my phone, my wallet, my keys, make some hot tea because that’s just what I decided I needed, find the Ergo, change Layla’s diaper, change my clothes, get shoes for the boys, and…I think that’s it. My point being – it takes a lot to simply get out the door.
When we were there, the weather was just gorgeous. It was so peaceful walking through the trees, and the air was warm with fall in it, and the woods smelled so nice. We ate our doughnut holes from Dunkin’ Donuts down by the creek, which was completely clear, letting you see straight down to the bottom. The boys threw pine cones in the water, Layla started to fuss, and I held her to sleep. I decided the reason I love this weather and the woods so much is because they remind me of India, when I went there with Reach. Something about the season there when we went. And we went hiking in the woods there too. Something about the slant of the light and the feel of the air. Such good associations for me.
And then Israel started complaining about not having a rock to throw in the water and the boys were being noisy so I suggested that we walk. And Zion’s flip flops kept coming off and he kept throwing fits about them and I was carrying Layla in the Ergo and she was sleeping and I was TOTALLY getting tired of standing in one place for ten minutes while he fussed on the ground about his flip flops and I couldn’t very easily get down there with him, and he wouldn’t put them on even though he is able, and then he would and then they would come off again and the whole scenario would be repeated and we kept retracing our steps and I just wanted to take a nice peaceful walk already and introduce some sanity to my soul and Israel is complaining that he doesn’t want to be in the woods (while having a marvelous time nonetheless) but instead he wants to go to the guitar shop and look at the drum set (another story), and my shoulders and neck are starting to twinge from the weight of Layla despite the Ergo’s marvelous design and then she woke up, and I lost my patience with Zion and he’s wailing, and…such is life with young children.
After marching a few feet away angrily with the stinkin’ flip flops the first time, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the reason that Zion was acting like he was was because he was tired and needed to rest, and steeled myself to be patient with him. He finally agreed to leave his flip flops off after they came off one more time, and asked in his little voice that was a little ragged from the combination of the virus he is recovering from and tears, “Mommy? Can I hold your hand?” So we walk down the path, Zion’s soft little sweet hand in mine. And the breeze is still beautiful. And Layla’s sleepy blue eyes are looking up at me and her soft head is against my face.
I thought how this is just life. Life with multiple young children, and life in general. The idealism mixed with the reality; the tears and the soft breeze, the trapped feelings and the soft hand, the whining mixed with the smell of the pines, the mess of life mixed with the beauty of it.
Comments (4)
Wonderful true description! It is so tiring being a mommy to young ones. Well done, breathing deep, and knowing that is how it is. Big work indeed, instructing over and over, and being mom. Keep pressing in to the Lord for strength, and do breathe and enjoy, it really, really is one of the BEST times in life, despite the overwhelming fatigue (EVERY mom relates to that )
“I thought how this is just life. Life with multiple young children, and life in general. The idealism mixed with the reality; the tears and the soft breeze, the trapped feelings and the soft hand, the whining mixed with the smell of the pines, the mess of life mixed with the beauty of it.” I really like these two sentances.
Beautiful, Carrie! It reminded me of something that happened last evening as I was getting ready to head out the door for worship practice and hubby is still not home, and I text and he says, “I’m SOOOO sorry, I forgot and it was busy at work and I’m not going to be home in time.” So, I try to be sweet when really I grumble and we agree to meet at church and switch kids. And I’m annoyed that he forgot such an important thing in my life as a *chance to get out of the house and do something I love*. So we track down shoes and, yes, you need a coat b/c it’s getting cold outside and load in the van and we’re off. Late by now, of course. I was so caught up in my thoughts that it wasn’t until I was 4 miles down the road did I realize I went the wrong way. Oh well, we’ll take the LONG route to church then through city traffic. And as I’m driving along, wouldn’t you know the song that comes on K-LOVE is Francesca Batistelli’s (however you spell her name, anyway) song ”This is the Stuff” and the chorus goes like this: This is the stuff that drives me crazyThis is the stuff that’s getting to me latelyIn the middle of my little messI forget how big I’m blessedThis is the stuff that gets under my skinBut I gotta trust You know exactly what You’re doingIt might not be what I would chooseBut this is the stuff You use And I laughed. I just started laughing and the girls are like, “What???” What a great opportunity to tell them how God placed a song and touched my heart to hear and remember to not forget how big I’m blessed in the middle of my little mess. That’s really what it is, isn’t it? Sure, it seems pretty big, or at least pretty annoying, at the time; but it’s actually a pretty dinky little mess when we gain perspective. Bless you, my dear with continued grace to keep your cool! P.S. You coming to VA anytime soon?
love this post.it is just life, as you said.all the fun and sweet mixed in with the crazy and exasperating times!! learning to stop and breathe is something all us moms should get tattooed on our heads…or atleast write it on a post-it note nearby!!