September 23, 2011

• Revised Expectations

  Lately, I had noticed at the end of the day after the older kids were tucked into bed, that I felt sort of defeated.  Defeated, because every morning I get out of bed with the optomistic thought that TODAY will be the day that the house gets clean in every nook and cranny, that the pile of laundry to be folded is gone off the guest bed, that all meals will be healthy and made from scratch, and all children will be well read, and go down to bed with a Bible story and gentle words.  But…life just isn’t always ever like that.  The reality is that in the middle of every task are multiple other urgent tasks, like nursing the baby, or changing a diaper, or an emergency bath for a random child.  And somehow, no matter HOW clean the house is at 3 PM, by 8 PM something startling and chaotic-seeming has happened to it, whilst I’ve been running around making supper and doing laundry and trying to clean up after supper and getting kids dressed for bedtime and helping Gabe with his homework and finding multiple snacks.  And suddenly it’s 5 minutes past bedtime and it’s hurry-scurry-don’t-want-cranky-kids-in-the-AM.  And I sit down and look at all that DIDN’T happen, and how I got extra frustrated with the kids because I was obsessively trying to finish the supper dishes so they won’t be waiting for me in the morning, and we didn’t read a Bible story AGAIN (which I view as a helpful part of layering the foundation of stories and beliefs that make up our faith).  

  I know that part of this is simply the phase we are in with a young baby and all the extra work and time it takes.  And soon enough it will smooth out, at least in some respects, as Layla gets older.  I’m also in the process of figuring out how to use my older boys to help me by doing some simple chores that contribute to my overall goal of house perfection .  But right now, we are where we are, and as I was thinking about it, I decided that my previously stated expectations of “sparkling clean house and Super Mom feats” simply had to go.  Because here’s the problem – the URGENT and my desire to show the world that I am indeed capable is what takes my day, instead of the things that I MOST want, deep down inside, unless I am intentional about it.          

  So here is my revised, written down, in no particular order, expectations. (With plenty of room for revision. )

  

  1.  Get everyone fed.  (Leaves lots of room for the “how”. )

  2.  Read to the kids.  (Another thing that falls by the wayside that I really value.)

  3.  Talk to my children about our faith (communicating how God interacts with our everyday, and how Jesus can help change us into people who can love and treat one another like we want in our hearts to treat them, and how we need to listen for the Spirit speaking in our hearts and be faithful to do what he is telling us)

  4.  Teach them to love (by loving them, and helping them learn how to show love to each other, and by showing respect for adults, and to see others who need love)                       

  And everything else, is icing.  If the living room gets dusted, great.  If the toys are all picked up and put away, awesome.  If the meal is homemade and healthy and yummy, stellar. But if supper is McDonald’s or chicken nuggets from the freezer (again), that’s ok too.  And if the toys are all over the floor in the boys’ bedroom, it’s not the worst thing in the world. Because those things are not what are ultimately important, and they are not what I’m going to look back on and feel that really matter in 20 years.  

  And just because I do the things on my “Really Matters” list doesn’t mean that my children won’t make choices that I wouldn’t want for them when they grow up.  But I will know that I have been faithful in my mothering of them.    

  That’s just where I am, today.

  • 11:27 am
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